Dear Tiny Wings,
You can cut the act, we all know the game is rigged for the red bird, and we think it’s bullshit. How am I supposed to deal with this, as the mother of Green Bird, when he comes home from flight school with low self esteem because Red Bird told him that his wings were “abnormally tiny” and that there’s nothing he can do to win a level. Everyone knows Red Bird is juicing anyway. I am outraged. Red Bird is the Lance Armstrong of small-winged bird racing and you aren’t doing anything to stop it. I expect you, the creators of Tiny Wings, to pay for Green Bird’s psychiatry bills when he’s a poorly adjusted adult bird. You can all go to bird hell for what you’re doing to my bird family.
Hailey Hays, infuriated bird mother